I’m hurt. It hurts so much that I cannot even write about it.

yes, i think i just died today. oh wait, let me rephrase that. i felt that i died today. my life’s officially over and though it’s against my will, i have to move on and start a new one. but see, i don’t know how. i don’t know how to move on. yes, i can buy all the books that provide tips on moving on or anything of that sort but hell, i’m not even sure if i can do it. i don’t know where and how to start. i don’t know how to start living without xyz.

yes, he broke up with me. and i don’t know how to get up. i’m clueless.

i’ve never felt so lost like this before. i want to start my quest on finding myself but where do i begin? and how do i do it? i felt like a part of me has died when he asked me to let him go. but what choice do i have? i don’t want to be selfish and deprive him of what is really his in the first place. i’m trying to comprehend everything. i’m trying to understand.

i’m trying. and it’s fucking hard.

a friend caught me in ym few minutes ago. then she asked me how i was? and how my heart was.. wala lang, i was dumbfound. can’t answer honestly but i didn’t lie either. just told her na i’m doing everything i can to survive – kinakaya ko, to be exact. it was the safest thing to say. i don’t want anybody worrying about me.

then it hit me. i really have no choice but to try to get by. one step at a time. living one effin’ day at a time, just like what my header says.

it’s like do or die. but to me, it seems like while i’m doing, i’m dying.

and it’s really hard to die alive, if you know what i mean.

when i heard these songs, Fallin’ Out, Better In Time, and Realize, I can’t help but feel like it was especially written for me. parang ‘killing me softly’ lang yung drama ko.. you know, the line that said “killing me softly with his songs, telling my whole life with his words…“. ganun lang yung pakiramdam.

way back years ago, i remember, i wondered why there were more sad songs in today’s generation unlike before that most of the songs were all about fighting for love and loving forever. then now, suddenly, i stopped wondering.