okay, after a not-so-long stretch of time of posting entries here, i’ve decided to switch to my old practice, which is to write the title first… at least for this entry. because this time, i already know what i want to write and i know that the message of this entry can be summed up in just two words – save me.

the past months have been so crazy. and i’ve done my best to keep my sanity amidst all the chaos. but tonight is different. i think i’m just a centimeter away from giving up. i don’t know. i don’t think i can cope with all the changes that seems to take place endlessly anymore. i need help. a part of me dies everytime i wake up. i’ve done everything i can and everything that i think can remedy the situation but i guess, all my efforts were doomed for failure right from the very start. nothing worked. and right now, i’m at a point where nothing else is important to me but my salvation.

yes, i’m slowly losing hope. slowly getting tired of hoping and praying for each day to be “the” day. the day where all these were scheduled by Him to end. i’m getting so tired of hoping already. giving up may not be a good choice but i’m seriously considering it right now. i just want to escape.

i used to love nighttime because it’s the only time that i get to have a real quiet time but now, i’d love to skip it without having second thoughts… if only i could. the recent events in my life have taught me to hate this part of the day. because it is at this time when everything seems to come crawling straight through me, eating every bit of hope and strength that i have left. making me all the more vulnerable than before, and provoking me to victimize myself. these are all just too much to bear, right now. i’ve never felt as weak as this before.

help me.

save me.

rescue me.