the past weeks were really life changing for me. i had to deal with drastic changes in my life. i sorta lost a friend, a boy friend, and myself. these things have turned me topsie-turvy in numerous times. everything has been so depressing , heartbreaking, and painful. and i wasn’t really prepared for all these.
see, i’ve been very happy for the longest time. i sorta lived an almost perfect life. i have a boyfriend who loves me oh so dearly. and i have friends who were as crazy as me. but then again, i still felt like something’s been missing. for the longest time, i’ve wondered what that missing piece was. so i’ve done a lot of thinking and reflecting that seemed to be unending.
then, after months of trying to contemplate my situation, i realized that what was missing in my life was BALANCE. apparently, it’s not healthy for my being coz it made me kinda crazy. i mean, i was far from being human all these years because i was living my so-called almost perfect life. and mind you, this is just one of the negative effects it had on me.
as my attempt to remedy the situation, i’ve decided to take a time off with myself. i feel like i have to undergo self-construction. i’ve fallen out of love with myself. i’ve actually reached the point of hating. so how’s that, right? maybe just this time, i have to think of myself first. i cannot say that i’m happy now that i’m doing things on my own and that i’ve temporarily detached myself on my freaking perfect life.
as a matter of fact, i am feeling miserable and terrible right now. i miss my boyfriend so much but i really have to do this for me.. for us. i chose to drown myself in this pain and go with the roller coaster ride of emotions. it’s my chance to feel all these again, after years. it’s my chance again to feel that i am still human and that i can still be vulnerable. it’s ironic… i know, right.
right now, i’m very hopeful that in the end, i’ll be back to loving my new-old self once more. and everything will be normal again.
God, please give xyz the heart to understand what i’m going through right now. if there is anything that i need from him right now, it’s his understanding. i need him to stay strong. Please take care of his heart. Bless him Father. You know how much I love him.
