why are some people indifferent?  and why is it that at the time that you are most in need of a form of release like blogging, that’s also the time that you cannot write about what you feel? why does life need to be this fucking hard…

I’m hurt. It hurts so much that I cannot even write about it.

i didn’t eat rice but i’m all stuffed up. i ate 2 large crabs and it was so yummy. i know gluttony is a sin. Lord, minsan lang naman ito. I just happen to appreciate the fact that I can eat anytime I like while there are others who can’t even have a decent meal in a day. Excuses, lol. This is what I call good life.

…and then she realized that it’s better to write in taglish.

wala lang. i still have a hangover on the Janina San Miguel thingie. Matagal na siyang issue pero ngayon ko lang talaga napanood yung whole footage. Gusto ko sana magshare ng insights about what happened to her but what’s the point, right? Panis na yung issue. Haha.

Bakit ba kasi naging basis ng mga tao ang fluency in English? I mean, isn’t the content of the message more important than the language used to relay or disseminate it? In my line of work, I encounter people from all walks of life. And based on experience, fluency in English is really not impressing especially if the person doesn’t make any sense at all. So aanhin mo nga naman ang fluency kung hindi ka naman logical mag-isip. Jusme, basta makapag-english lang.

If you can’t speak or write in English, don’t push it. Learn from Janina San Miguel.

darn it! i was supposed to write about something. then i saw alanis’s interview on axn and so i decided to watch since i’m a sucker for her music. then just as when i got back to this page, i can’t remember what i was supposed to write about.

anyway, yesternight, my ex texted me a quote so i replied to him with another quote. the next thing i know is that we’re talking. after three or four replies, he said he’ll take a bath first. and so i supposed that his last text was just as good as a byebye text since he doesn’t really get back at me after saying that he’s gonna do something first. but amazingly, he did. that was funny, in a way.

my dream was about murders and disasters then i woke up on a gloomy morning with a high fever. yeah, this is a great way to start the day. just perfect. the sky is crying with me.

Being a new employee is both a gift and a curse. It’s a gift in the sense that people in your workplace are very considerate of you and it’s understandable when you make errors, at least for now. However, it’s also a curse because the customers can really be stubborn to you sometimes and take your being a newbie to their freaking advantage.

My lunchbreak is scheduled at 11am while the others, at 12 noon. I don’t know what’s with one of our customers, when I told him that I will have my lunchbreak first, he freaked out. And by freak out I meant creating a scene. He shouted at me and called me tanga and idiota. Kumusta naman siya diba? As if siya ang nagpapakain sa akin, buset na yan! And shempre because he is a customer, naka-smile lang ako while trying to control my emotions and fight back tears. Baka kasi lalo niya ako i-bully, nakakahiya. Parang tumigil ang mundo sa office, my God, bida ang lola mo. So smile smile lang ako habang naglilitanya siya. And apparently, mas lalo siyang na-annoy and know what he did? He took note of my name at sabi niya, dederecho siya sa Main Office para ipatanggal ako sa trabaho. Super natakot talaga ako and super hindi ko talaga alam ang gagawin. Then when he seemed to finally run out of things to say, nag-butt in na si team leader namin. Napaka-OA ko lang, naiyak ako sa ginawa niya. Sabi niya kay customer, “Sir, maghintay ho kayo dyan, ipapahatid ko kayo sa Main Office. Hindi na ho uso ang the customer is always right. Iba na ho ngayon, ‘we will treat you right na po’..”. Then the bully customer just stood up and walked away.

Grabe itong araw na ito. I was so emo, kahit sa office nadala ko. Dahil in pain ako, ang bilis ko tuloy ma-rattle. Plus the fact na first time ko maka-encounter ng ganun. Pero you know that feeling na if I wasn’t dealing with a personal issue, I could have handled the situation better. Hindi yung para akong basang sisiw na mukhang kawawa.

OMG, what a day.

my day ended without him. he didn’t even bother to text. didn’t even bother to ask how i am or if i’m still alive and okay. yes, it’s painful but maybe someday i’ll learn to be like that too. maybe someday, i will just stop missing him. i will just stop hurting. i will just stop crying. but all that will happen because it wouldn’t be too long for me to turn numb. i’ll just get used to this kind of situation. but to stop loving him? i don’t know if i can do that.

i just feel it. i know. i can never stop loving him.